A DAILY WEEKLY MONTHLY REPORT...uh... REPORT
Today, thousands of people, despite hideous warnings about financial crisis for the past 10 months, flocked to local shopping malls and retail chains. Reports say that millions of dollars worth of "stuff" was purchased including flat screen televisions, video games, furniture, and even clothes.
John McCain, who is obviously too old to ever be President of the United States, was overheard saying, "Metamucil... is the metamucil on sale?"
Future President Barack Obama stated, "It's clear that these people here are evil rich people. They more than likely make more than $250,000 per year, and they are not taxed heavily enough. Also, they apparently can't read or hear, as my media's constant barrage of horrid economic news has not had an effect."
Sarah Palin could not be reached for comment, but she was seen trying on various outfits at Target.