EXCLUSIVE! Interview With Sarah Palin Regarding "Buttocks" Comment

Sarah Palin will hold a press conference later this evening to address an incident wherein she allegedly accused Democratic VP nominee Joe Biden of having received "buttocks injections in his face."

Some conflicting reports of the incident surfaced earlier this week after Palin stopped for a lunch break at the BisonBurger Lunch Box and Gun Range during a surprise visit to the town of Koosharem, Utah.

Events following remain unclear, with the only substantiated incident being Palin standing on a table and declaring, "It's great to be in Real America with Real Americans! even if I'm settlin' for bison over moose." Palin then asked restauranteurs to "wrap up a coupla those burgers to go, fer my kids."

Some media outlets claim that Palin subsequently engaged in trash talk involving her rival Biden's appearance, using statements such as "What a dead-face" and "I wouldn't hang that on my wall if ya paid me off!" Other sources assert that fellow restaurant patrons misheard Palin's statements, which referred to Biden's alleged use of the cosmetic aid Botox.

"You know, I'm really not sure what she said," muses Edith Lowtower, co-owner of the BisonBurger. "It's hard to know what she says, what with that accent of hers. Where's she from, Ireland? I thought I read she was from Ireland.

"I did offer her some eyedrops, though, 'cause she kept blinking her left eye. Turns out she was just winking. A lot. I mean, that lady was winking so fast it blew my hair back. I had to put on a sweater."

In an exclusive interview with The Daily Weekly Monthly Report, Palin denied using the word "buttocks" to describe any aspect of Joe Biden's face. She went on to chuckle, "But really, could ya blame me if I did say it? I mean, have ya seen this guy? Ya just gotta wonder, God, what were ya thinkin' there?"

Spokesmodels for the Obama/Biden campaign had no comment.


~Deb said...

This is priceless! Thank you! I'm bookmarking this one! :)

Brandon Anderson said...

Indeed. When was this interview with Palin? Why was I not notified, so that I could ask her hard, penetrating questions.