Special Report: So Who IS Barack Obama, Anyway?

In just a few short hours, Master Of Everyone's Domain Barack Obama will become the President of the United States (we all know it).

In an effort to clear up misunderstandings and illuminate the sterling character of this young, relatively unknown senator, DWMReport has compiled a list of little-known facts about the Almost President of the United States. We invite you to share this list with friends and family so we might all happily welcome President Obama with the cupcakes and baby chicks he deserves (and eats).

Barack Obama is patriotic. He was born with his right hand fused over his heart and his first word was "Kennedy." Everything he touches on Mondays using his left index finger turns red, white, blue, or some combination thereof (yes, this has been verified by Snopes).

Barack Obama has incisive judgment. His real middle name is "Demagogue." He changed it legally to "Hussein" in 1992, hoping the new choice would better help him in his quest for the Presidency. Plus he thought it sounded "bouncy."

Barack Obama isn't Muslim.
He's Hindu. And here's the proof: http://www.wnd.com/index.php?fa=PAGE.view&pageId=68156

Barack Obama is fair. He voted for John McCain in an effort to "spread the votes around."

Barack Obama literally loves this great nation with all his heart. He experiences immediate ventricular fibrillation upon sight of the American flag. He travels with a portable defibrillator, which burns "GOD BLESS AMERICA" into the skin on his chest with every use.

Barack Obama doesn't respond to stupid innuendo. He has refused to comment on an alleged recording of Michelle Obama ordering "white tea" at Starbucks.

Barack Obama is not afraid of the dark. When Chuck Norris goes to bed at night, he checks his closet for Barack Obama (also verified by Snopes).

Barack Obama has an active mind. He discovered fire, the internet, Leanne Rimes, the Milky Way, and he invented America.

Ladies and gentlemen, I ask you.. Is there any doubt that America is ready for a President such as this?


April said...

He's also a movie buff. After he voted this morning he was heard yelling thises word's from the movie Tombstone, "You tell 'em I'M coming... and hell's coming with me..."

Kimberly Jean said...

I have often heard that his real name is actually Barack Saddam Hussein Obama Osama bin Laden. A mouthful, I know. Hopefully Americans will read this and know the truth about him, uniting themselves with the Maverick of all Mavericks and mavericking against Obama-Biden. Hopefully the American public will vote for McCain-Palin and make them our new Pres.....(what? Election day is almost over? It is too late to vote now unless you fly to the west coast, Alaska or Hawaii? Oh bother.....)

Brandon Anderson said...

I hear that he is also related to Jesus. Not by blood, but relation.