:BREAKING NEWS: Martha Stewart - Soul Or Hole?

A man in Clive, Iowa has filed suit against Kmart and the Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia Company seeking unspecified punitive damages, a new ride, and Martha Stewart's soul (we at DWMReport regret to inform him that the latter is nonexistent, so he should probably just tack on another million to his lawsuit).

Patrick Albanese, who works as a magician/musician/hand model, claims that an incident with a defective lawn chair caused part of his finger to be snipped off, thus affecting his livelihood.

Upon learning of the lawsuit, Martha Stewart was overheard muttering, "What a jackass. Hotshot magician, huh? Why don't you magic the finger back onto your hand and and go play some violin for yourself? Sucker. Where are my Chinese silk jacquard placemats?"

The lawsuit was filed in the Polk County Iowa District Court, which explains everything.

Story here.

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