A man in Nebraska has been charged with several misdemeanor counts of public indecency. It's Nebraska, though, so there really isn't anything else to do.
Tom Larvie, nicknamed "The Butt Bandit," was allegedly caught in the act of.. well.. read for yourself here. As he was handcuffed and loaded into the back of a patrol car by a derisively-chuckling female officer, he was heard insisting, "The glass was cold! There was shrinkage! There was shrinkage!" before sliding to the floor of the car.
And he's from Valentine, Nebraska. Now there's a Valentine for you.
In unrelated news, this lady.